Surviving the Sandwich Generation
Marcia Nicholl
From the Fall 2007
Issue of Applaud Magazine

If you are stretched to the limit – continually trying to balance your children, spouse, parents, grandparents and possibly grandchildren – Welcome to the Sandwich Generation. In the last 20 plus years, there has been a shift in demographics.  Two or three decades ago, there was a good 10 to15 year gap between raising one’s children and caring for one’s parents.  This time allowed the generation “in-between” to generate their own resources for retirement,  education, professional transitions, and creating some personal time. Things have changed. Individuals are marrying later in life – creating dual responsibilities between simultaneously caring for children and caring for aging parents. The term “Sandwich Generation” has become an integral part of describing the 40 to 60 year olds in our society.  It is estimated that 22 percent of the American population has eldercare responsibilities while raising their own families.  By the year 2020, there will be 15 million Americans who are 85 or older and by the year 2050, 22 percent of the population will be 65 or older.  An even greater complication in this Sandwich Generation appears when grandparents are taking care of their grandchildren.  This multi-generational stage has been called the Club Sandwich (those sandwiched between aging parents, adult children and grandchildren). Guilt is a huge factor for the 40 to 60 year olds caring for parents and grandchildren.   You feel stress and confusion because of the time that is being taken away from your children and spouse.  Your personal time is being used to care for elderly and ailing parents.  The financial burden is extremely difficult because eldercare is expensive and becoming more and more so every day.  When the role of Parent/Child changes, we face one of the most difficult stages of an adult child.  The role of Parent/Child is reversed.  All of a sudden, you find that you have taken on the “parent role”. Your emotions range from anger, guilt, frustration, grief – and eventually accepting your new role.  Not always easy! The challenge we find ourselves faced with is learning to balance our responsibilities as caregiver to our parents and children; and learning how to find time for our personal needs. What can you do to maintain balance in your life? Nothing is perfect.  Be proactive in asking siblings and relatives to share some of the responsibilities.  There is a difference between being aggressive in requesting help, and being assertive.  Be assertive – ask for help!  Do the best you can, forget creating the optimal solution for caring for the problems of both the elder generation and your children.  Communication amongst all family members, including grandchildren is of the utmost importance.  Set parameters for the many responsibilities of caring for an elderly parent. Developing a relationship with a financial planner is very important. It will help define more clearly the financial obligations, and how bills and long term care will be met. Take care of legal responsibilities.  Retaining the help of an attorney who has expertise with children and eldercare can help with decisions such as Power of Attorney. There are many services and information available in all communities to assist with eldercare as well as children.  Taking care of you must be a priority.  Eat well-balanced, nutritional food, exercise, and make sure you get enough sleep.  Give yourself permission to develop a routine in your daily schedule that gives personal time to you.  You will feel better, and be a better caregiver.   Marcia F. Nicoll, M.Ed. in Counseling and Certification in Life Skills Coaching, has a background which includes twenty plus years in a corporate business environment, continued personal and professional development, and work in a mental health setting.  Her private practice in Exeter, NH provides support, training, and tools to help individuals reach their personal and professional potential.  She can be reached at Transitions – 603 778 8200.