Dear Coach Mona
From the Fall 2007
Issue of Applaud Magazine

Dear Mona, I’ve been in my relationship for a couple of years.  It feels like the relationship changes like the seasons. Sometimes it feels like a lot of fun, but other times it doesn’t seem to be working at all. What should I do? Thank you,  Heather Dear Heather, The seasonal change to autumn is so beautiful. With each leaf meta-morphing into a new color, the landscape evolves before our very eyes. New England’s greatest natural gift is this ebb and flow that shows itself in our environment.  The change of seasons also heralds a change of energy in relationships, each season reflecting a  different aspect. Early winter is a time for retreating and reflecting. Being close to home and expressing the need to nest is important.  Deep winter is an awesome time to define your vision for your relationship and create a plan for the future.  In spring there is a burst of energy bringing about a cleansing and letting go of old habits and behaviors.  For many, it might mean letting go of a relationship that no longer works or planting seeds for a new one. Summer brings lazy warmth, along with the comfort of knowing your relationship is strong. It is a time of celebration and adventure-seeking under the lemon sun and blue sky. Fall is a time of shifting and changing. It is an awesome time to take inventory of what’s going great and what can be improved upon in your relationship. Relationships are there to help you grow and become even more of yourself; consider how to take it to the next level. Look at it from the point of view of someone who’s peeking into your life and learning about you, rather than judging.  Think about the following things: What do you love about your relationship? By looking at what you love, you’re acknowledging all you’ve learned and gained from your relationship. We often spend more time complaining about things than appreciating them and especially take our relationships for granted. How have you grown in the last year? Look back at the last 12 months. How has your relationship helped you grow and become more of yourself? Think of specific events or experiences that pushed you out of your “box.” If you can’t find any, it might be that you are stagnant and desperately need a change. What experiences or situations could you have lived without? Perhaps you grew from them, but they were unpleasant and you don’t want them repeated. If you could change 5 things about your relationship, what would they be? Focus on yourself here. When you focus on the other person being the problem, nothing changes. When you focus on yourself, at least 50% of the time, you can do something about it. What 5 things would you like to add to your relationship? This is the perfect opportunity to think about what you NEED. Women tend to put themselves last on the to do list of life, even below the houseplants. Many times, it’s simply because we don’t know what we need. If you don’t take care of yourself in your relationship, don’t expect someone else to.   Consider this process an opportunity for metamorphosis before the deep retreat of winter. This push of natural energy will help sustain your relationship throughout the cold months. Then, in spring you can plant new seeds and in summer, reap the rewards. Life Coach Mona Wind’s passion is to help women to become #1 on their To Do List.  Through spiritual coaching, retreats, prosperity workshops and tele-classes, women are supported in overcoming obstacles they face in life. She is a graduate of CoachU, a 2-year training program for coaches. She has traveled to over 30 countries and uses tools from around the world in her practice. Visit her at her website www.lifeintegrity.com or email her at monawind@lifeintegrity.com. Call (781) 438-4078.